Are You Still Bothered by the Past?

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Niels Eek, a physiologist and cofounder of the mental wellbeing and personal development app Remente , said learning to let go is one of the most important steps to take in order to relieve yourself of a relationship, especially if it was toxic.

4 Easy Ways to Accept Your Partner's Past - wikiHow

While it may be difficult at first, the more you practice compassion and understanding, the easier this process will become. Humans are also a social species, said Eek, so you can find it hard to walk away from people, even if they're wrong for you.

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Many people are scared of ever being alone, Eek said, which makes your attachment to a previous relationship even stronger. People can obsess over their exes for various reasons, Eek said, including the fact you're unlikely to ever get closure. This can give people "an inability to understand a situation, and the feeling of helplessness in not having any power to change it," he said.

The truth is, when someone hurts you, you're not going to like any of the reasons why it happened. So racking your mind for explanations isn't going to help you in the long run. It's best to try and let it go. Rumination is often associated with anxiety disorders and depression, he said, and can prevent people from acknowledging and dealing with their emotions, as they try fixate on the situation instead of trying to understand their feelings that the situation has caused. Shannon Thomas, a licensed therapist and author , said people often grieve the potential that was in their past relationships.

Our daydreams are fueled by the lingering thoughts of 'if only You might find yourself thinking about all the choices you made and things you said before the break up, essentially regretting every tiny mistake you both made. If only the good, fun times together had lasted longer. Frequently, unhealthy connections also include great moments that at that time gave us hope that all would be okay in the relationship.

After the break up, it's very easy to allow our thoughts to drift to regrets and unmet wishes. Perpetua Neo, a therapist and psychologist , said your past relationships can affect your new ones because of something called " repetition compulsion. The problem is, we choose people who may not want to or cannot change. Even if we're unaware of this compulsion. If we feel this need to fix that mistake, it's hard to have closure over an ex. Being familiar and being comfortable in a relationship are two different things. If something feels familiar, it means you've probably been through a similar situation before, whereas feeling comfortable with someone means being able to be yourself without fearing repercussions for your views, opinions, or feelings.

Are you both happy in your current relationship? What are you both doing to try to help? Method 3. Know you are not alone. This is a common issue in relationships causing anxiety and something your girlfriend may be struggling with as well. Express your feelings about the situation. Work on making sure you are not suppressing how you feel.

If these feelings and thoughts are genuinely causing distraction or problems for you, you should not try to simply forget them. You want to be able to feel totally comfortable and confident with your girl. By suppressing or ignoring your emotions you are risking they will come back up at a later time. By not opening up to your girlfriend and working through the problem you will just be shutting her out creating more potential issues between you two. Bring it out in the open by talking about it. If you have determined that the patterns, focus, and behavior are being caused by you, you may find that you'd like to bring it up to your girlfriend.

Bringing it up will give you the chance to let her know what you have been thinking about, and how you feel. Try to be open minded and consider what your girlfriend has to say about the issue. Mention how you feel and what's bothering you. It would really help me if Find a solution. If you discover that the overthinking is due to your girlfriend bringing up the topic, it's time to talk. Let her know how you feel when she mentions her ex and give her a chance to explain.

Take the conversation slowly, step by step and work towards coming to an agreement about how you can both change or how you can work on it to move forward. I am in a long distance relationship and am finding it difficult to stop thinking about her exes, especially because I have not physically touched her.

What can I do? Long distance relationships are difficult. It sounds like you are jealous of her exes because they have gotten to be physically close to her. Focus on your wants and needs and where you would like to see the relationship go. Talk to her about how you feel and what you would like to experience with her which will get you both excited about meeting up in person! Yes No. Not Helpful 4 Helpful My girlfriend thinks about her past boyfriend and is trying to forget him.

2. Change the channel in your brain.

What should I do? That is a tough one. If she is having a difficult time forgetting him, maybe she is not ready to be in a new relationship just yet. The best thing you could do is support her and give her space and time to work through her thoughts and feelings about him so she can focus on the two of you.

Not Helpful 2 Helpful 8.

My girlfriend has had a boyfriend before me and has told me about their past. We have been dating for two years and she is still in touch with him, but says that they are just friends.

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What should i do? It seems like you have a pretty solid relationship! You have been dating for two years, have talked about this ex, and she is being open with you about being in contact with him. At this point, you can choose to trust her that they are just friends, or you can tell her that it makes you uncomfortable that they are friends and talk it out with her.

Not Helpful 10 Helpful Why does my girlfriend still wear a promise ring from her first love? Without knowing more, it is difficult to say.


Try asking her about it, gently. She may be wearing it because it is a piece of jewelry and she likes how it looks. First loves are big moments in our lives, so she may have an attachment to it that doesn't have to do with feelings about the person who gave it to her. You'll never know, until you talk to her about it.


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